George W Bush

President Bush is receiving his daily briefing from Donald Rumsfeld, outlining his day's schedule and filling him in on necessary news. Donald concludes by saying:

"And finally, I'm sad to report that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an incident near Baghdad."

The President looks back at him aghast, before collapsing onto the desk, sobbing uncontrollably.

His staff sit silent (and a little puzzled) at this display of emotion.

Finally, the President looks up and asks:

'Exactly how many millions are there in a brazillion?'

Exercise for Seniors

Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my older friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10lb potato sacks. Then 50lb potato sacks and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses!

I thought the results were pretty interesting:


10% of women think their ass is too little...


85% of women think their ass is too big...


The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Retail humour

A friend of mine opened a shop just a couple of weeks ago specialising in Bonsai trees.

The business is doing so well he's already thinking of moving to smaller premises.

Sad news

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year.


The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a
Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas
season. This isn't for any religious reason, they
simply have not been able to find three wise men and a
virgin in the nation's capital. There was no problem,
however, finding enough asses to fill the stable

A visit to the zoo

A man goes to the zoo.

When he gets there, there was only a dog.

It was a shitzu.

Chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Who cares, run like hell!